Perception.
The key to resolving some of the thorniest issues in your life is perception.
It’s how we take a step back, reduce the impact of emotional discrepancies, engage in compassion for others and ourselves and ultimately realise that just because someone is right does not mean that you or others have to be wrong. Both truths can exist.
It also allows us to engage in constructive conversation. Whether it be to deepen our understanding of others or to communicate effectively so that others understand us. It can support friendships, relationships and probably where it is most needed, can support workplace harmony.
Unfortunately, perception can be hard when we are stuck in the emotional and ruminating phase of any interaction. It can be even harder if we’re surrounded by people with strong opinions that can cloud our own judgement.
However, practising perception can get us out of our own way, out of our own head and can remove the idea that we’re always so hard done by. Not everyone can be the black sheep of the family you know.
Problem solving and moving forward is what we ultimately all want. So how can we be more considerate and gain perspective when we’re felling hurt, betrayed, angry and sometimes resentful of others?
Well, the answer depends on whether you actually want to change? If you don’t and want to continue to be bothered by the action and words of others because they are at fault and they should change then you’re probably the person who would gain the most from perspective shifts but no point in trying until you’re ready.
If you are ready to stop the over-riding, all-consuming negative thoughts and feelings then here are three things I suggest you can implement right away:
Affirm: When you’re about to be railroaded in to the cycle of negative thoughts, affirm to yourself that this is an okay response. This may seem counterintuitive but what we don’t want is for you to fault yourself for reactions that have a place, that are valid. What we do want is to acknowledge them, befriend them and seek to understand why you’ve become so annoyed.
Observe: Explore your initial reaction. Ask yourself why. Journal if it helps or talk it out loud to someone who will listen, not judge and importantly will withhold their opinion on the matter. This exercise usually reveals something deeper than it just being a case of ‘so and so said this and that pisses me right off’.
Respond: You may not have the answers to why you were triggered in the first place but response is better than reaction. Reactions come from an emotional place and often we’ll have regrets or shame about how we handled a situation in this headspace. Responses are a proactive way to get ahead of the feelings and help us handle situations with integrity until we can take a measured and constructive approach to it. Consider your response being the best friend that holds you back from letting loose on the fool that tried to cross you, they’ll let you go when you can engage productively but prevent you from making a situation worse.
Let me know how you’ve shifted your perception and in what ways this has benefitted your life balance.
Shanna, x
