Mama Bear
Mother, Mom, Mummy, Mam, Ma, however you are referred to by your little peoples, I bet it brings such love to your heart while also simultaneously bringing a sense of an impending ‘what, where, who or how’ question to follow, adding to the already long list of questions that are coming at you but that are also battling with your own internal questions for attention and space.
Ahh. the joys. The balance. The duality of feeling and being.
It’s not easy, in fact, it is reportedly the most difficult job in the world. And yet, it is the role I wanted to have all of my life. I’m sure many of you feel the same. Not only is it the most challenging role, emotionally, mentally, and physically, it impacts on our social and intimate relationships too.
I had the absolute privilege of facilitating a workshop/event for the wonderful Jenny of C.O.P.E.S recently and a group of amazing and dedicated mothers. Of course, in true technologically challenged form, the slides were unable to be shown so the workshop turned into more of a group coaching situation, which was absolutely perfect. Jenny has the most amazing way of bringing women together and creating space for all our trials and tribulations while underscoring any difficulty with the silver lining and shining gratitude on our achievements, our families and on and for other women.
Shanna from The Self & Society and Jenny from C.O.P.E.S
The Role of The Self & Society
On the night, the conversations were centred around bringing out that Mama Bear energy. My specialities (sounds like a dish of the day) of awareness, boundaries & compassion were tailored to the challenges in motherhood.
While I can’t speak to past generations of mothers, it truly does feel like we are parenting in a generation that is changing the norm’s, that is stopping intergenerational trauma in it’s tracks, that is learning on the go of neurodivergence, that is doing the inner work, trying to re-parent themselves while learning to be the parent our children need in this ridiculously fast paced, technology centred, yet, incredibly connected, informed and accessible world. We (most of us) are also living in wonderfully liberal times yet this brings its own challenges of seeking identity and belonging, balancing internal and external validation, appreciating feminine and masculine traits and capabilities in whatever form this takes. We are constantly being pushed and pulled between the next politically correct thing to say or not say and struggle to know what our own unique perspectives due to a fear of being cancelled or shunned. So how on earth do mothers navigate this for themselves let alone for their children, partners and parents? While also living in societies where democracy is questionable, leaders are questionable and sexism is alive and well.
My priority, is to lead first and guide later. Focus on the controllable. Children are monkey see, monkey do kind of creatures. My lovely mummy would often recite that she wanted better for us, for us to go on and be the best we can be, to care for ourselves, to expect nothing less than being appreciated and respected by partners and friends. I wish it was that easy. For mummy would be the first to sacrifice herself for anyone, to ensure the peace was kept, that others were seen to no matter the need (even if it wasn’t really a need at all). And so I learned, not to tend to my own garden first but to sacrifice for others, to people please, to ensure others get and I go without. Of course this wasn’t intentional but that is where awareness raising comes in.
So how can I lead for my children, so that they may learn to tend to themselves first? How can I filter this leadership into the minds and souls of other mothers? How can I support others in making sure the generation we’re raising, knows themselves first before having society tell them who they are and who they are to be? How do I control the controllable, i.e., myself?
It all comes back to awareness, boundaries & compassion.
C.O.P.E.S event
At the C.O.P.E.S event, we talked about pressure on ourselves and from others, we chatted about belonging and being cast aside, we shared our feelings and experiences over the challenges of navigating this lifetime as women, mothers, sisters and partners.
It’s interesting to observe and be part of how connection and community can allow our isolation, loneliness and differences to dissolve. And in the world of ultra-connection, how we are lonelier and experience less informal support now more than ever, let alone less accessibility to professional support. This is not only being experienced by the mothers at C.O.P.E.S but is being shared worldwide through research, surveys and communities.
Learning what boundaries are and how to harness them so that we become better in ourselves, for ourselves, our families and those we hold dear is paramount to re-establishing the community links we all need, to re-create our villages. As I shared with the women on the night, who said your village had to made through blood?
As a social worker, I am also seeing the other side of less informal, community based supports in some folks relying on health service support and professionals to provide any form of relationship even if it is one they would rather not have. Something is better than nothing, right?
But imagine this if you will, imagine you are the woman and mother who can say ‘No’, who can say ‘That’s not right’, who can say ‘I will not tolerate your harmful words’, who will say ‘I am not available for this today’. Imagine, you do this with confidence, clarity and contentment. Imagine, you move from situation to situation with integrity, with a knowing that you are putting your best foot forward most of the time. Imagine, being a little girl or boy observing this person. Imagine, them wanting to grow up just like you. Imagine, the courage, the knowing, the integrity, they’ll inherit, and practice, and become just by learning from example. Then, I want you to consider, how much more energy you have, how much more vitality and compassion you ooze, how much more you are available to support those around you in a way that fills their cup and yours.
What if this person, after taking small steps to protect and nourish her own energy had the ability to go out and support others in the community? Would there be less loneliness and more fulfilling connections? Would there be more acceptance of differences and less harmful behaviours? Would there be a progressiveness of better mental and emotional wellbeing filtering from house to house informally through support, understanding and respect? I like to think so.
And that is what Jenny brings to local women through C.O.P.E.S and I was so fortunate to be there for the evening to soak in all the goodness. Women shared experiences and received wisdom and guidance from others, differences in how we handle different situations were tabled and from that, everyone could decide on their own next steps, steps that would lead to their own personal wins. Some left with directions to go in, others with perspective shifts but we all left a little lighter and with laughter in our hearts and souls.
My next steps…
Is to facilitate a week long course on harnessing your own Mama Bear energy.
Is to establish an online community where guidance, perspective shifts and directions are a regular occurrence to bring us quicker in alignment with the woman and mother we want to show up as.
Is to support women to move from victim mindset to standing in their power for themselves and others.
And I cannot fricking wait! I’ll be announcing any news and launch days to my insider’s first. Subscribe here so you can get early access, giveaways and Insider only news.
Mama Bear Energy
C.O.P.E.S
And finally, if you want to know more about Jenny & C.O.P.E.S, you can find her here.
With power, passion & perseverance,
Shanna, x
